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How We question

Posted on May 20, 2012 in Portfolio | 1 comment

How We question

Regardless of the numerous books written about parenting and child rearing, the uncertainties remain.

My encounters with parents have been in fun and in crisis. My experiences have been in family court (positively assisting parents in getting their children back after removal) to elementary education. I have worked with parents before birth and up to teen with their children. I can say I have a special eye in the zero to 12 year age group- brain development, Dads, Grandparents, active school participation, 24/7 childcare business. Personally- 41 years cumulatively experience in child rearing [2 daughters].

1. How raw can parenting be? That first week , 168 hours, as a new parent, can go from a semblance of knowledgeable confidence to an almost uncontrollable whimpering being while rocking their crying child.

2. How did that happen? The parent’s focus was on the “little bundle of joy” and not focused on the “new puzzle” before he or she has entered their home. The parents didn’t truly realize that the  “new puzzle” has parts of them and multiplying outward of 4, 8, 16, 32 etc.- grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents. The parent needed to become that investigative reporter– going back as much as the 8- grandparents. Ask candidly about their behaviors as babies and toddlers. How were behaviors, back then seen, handled and long-term effect {they’re telling you about it is one long-term effect}? That investigative reporter parent will start to SEE more pieces to the “new puzzle”.  Don’t brush this important step off. Let’s face it, many parents have come in strong only to have a 6lb. 5oz. baby make them second guess their 14th guess. Remember: we are looking at how we question.

Both parents should learn to be the investigative reporter for their new family-to-be. As your “new puzzle” comes together and starts showing personality/character, pull out your notes to see which side of the family this particular behavior is coming from or if it’s actually belongs to your child. In my 24-hour childcare  business, we truly talk with both parents, asking them have they looked at their behaviors and their parents- in stressed, in-between or relaxed.  Child care providers are outsiders trying to piece together their children, without access to the 1, 4, or 8. My thoughts are always about the puzzle.  In talking with parents, I’ve looked at their children and thought, “You don’t even know why you’re behaving this way.” Remember: we are looking at how we question.

What am I trying to say to you parents? Why aren’t you asking– why, how come or other questions that could help you determine what your your parenting life will be?

One Comment

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  1. oakley

    Absolutely love the picture.


  1. max - thanks for the information.

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